I'M SORRY...

                                           Photography: Joshua Brathwaite

So here I am, in my flat...In Stockholm, Sweden. I did it! Can you believe after 9 years in London I moved back to my hometown and I can tell you it went really quick. I resigned, I packed my bags and I just left. I left a life I built for 9 years, from my 20s to my 30s. One of the most important eras in your life where you also develop the most as a person, mentally and spiritually. I left the best years in my life behind. Or... not behind, more like memories that I will cherish forever. Sometimes I think about it and smile and sometimes I think about it and miss it dearly.

Moving countries can be hard and difficult and also cost you a bit of money, especially if you don't know when you will have a job next. Without any savings I decided to leave, call me stupid but I did what my heart told me...

After 1 1/2 week I actually manage to get a job believe it or not. A massive relief! I'm now working as a sales assistant/visual merchandiser in central Stockholm. At least now I have an income and workmates I like, good vibes only! And that is so important to me. As my brother said, everything will be ok in the end and he was right. Now I just have to sort out every other little thing and then hopefully everything will work itself out. And for this reason I want to apologise, apologise for being absent.

I'm also trying to find a focus in what I do. It is very hard since I want to do so much but I cant do everything all at once. How can you be here but at the same time you are somewhere else...?  Apologise for my absent but my head exploding with new things, new adventures and new emotions...

Thank you for still supporting even though my absent. I appreciate your presence from the bottom of my heart and soon I will be back to normal...

I'm sorry, work in progress... 

JF

2014

And here we are again...Another year, flying by like crazy... Always makes me think, analyse over the year and feel I am very blessed to even be alive. But its also very scary, everything goes so quick and sometimes you forget what to prioritise. We are so up in our lifes and having our comfortable routines that you forget whats important...

One of the biggest things this year was probably me taking a risk quitting my day job and went for a Design Competition for a Reality TV Show filmed in The Philippines. This is one of my biggest "YOLO" moments ever! I'm the sensible organised one that never do crazy things like that. I loved the experience but not necessarily the TV bit of it. But hey I tried and it was a 2 1/2 weeks of joy and met some amazing people. But this made me realise that I need more of these moments, I basically shat my pants when I did this but I DID IT! Self growth is very important and not getting out of your comfort zone you will never grow as a individual. I struggled when I got back without a job and a double rent to pay but look at me, here I am with two part time jobs I like and doing my own creative things and still trying to push for better things. I am so grateful for what I have but also I am still struggling with certain things ( that have to be another post haha )

I want to thank all the people that has been a part of my year and my journey, even the people I did cut off for various reasons. I learnt from every situation and person for good or bad. But I wanna say big up to the people that made me smile and laugh in tuff situations. Without you I would never be able to get through anything, THANK YOU! You know who you are...

2014 we had a love & hate relationship and I now welcome 2015 in my life, bring it on!

Sooo a few things that happen this year:

• I cut a fringe, very risky but I like it!
• I was one of the contestants for FashionOne's Design Genius
• Cut certain people off that showed no effort being in my life
• Lost a very special friend, made me realise how small some things are
• Tried to smile as much as possible
• Released some new material
• I'm now an auntie for another beautiful little girl
• My Kimonos are now in process of being manufactured 
• I redesigned this beautiful website for you guys
• So much more probably did happen but this is how I sum it up...

BeYOUtiful...

Why is it just because you are different people stare, they talk about you behind your back, whisper and you can feel their awkward and annoying energy. I have always been different from a young age. With different I mean I haven't been dressing like everyone else around me ( even though I don't think I'm that outrageous haha ). It has been a hard journey and even harder when I was younger. You know how kids are... School was pretty difficult but dont get me wrong a lot of the people I had around me did love what I was doing but you need to constantly be stronger then them to stick out. I'm from Sweden aswell where everyone ( at least back in the day) pretty much looks the same.

I manage to get through it but then when I got to Secondary school it was even harder which surprised me. At that point people are not kids anymore right. I wouldn't say I was bullied but people always comment on things, ALL THE FUCKING TIME! And to be fair, a lot of the jokes were pretty funny. But lets be honest here, who want to hear shit about everything you wearing day after day like a broken record?! I came to a point were I was going to change school but I never went for it in the end... As a young girl my confidence were pretty low so being different was a struggle, BUT it was ME! Why am I going to exist in this world as someone I'm not?! And this is something I constantly have to remind myself of. I should be able to express myself how I want without people making a big deal out of it right?

I am lot older now and have much more confidence in myself to actually not care. But then saying that, I do care in some ways. We all have our days right and todays society is very shallow and so is the industry I'm in. So to sum it up, I basically dont give a F**K but at the same time I do?! 

I realised after all these years people still looking, they still talk and most probably talk behind your back what type of weird trainers I had on that event or my hair looked crazy. They did it back then, they doing it now so why change for someone?! There will always be people hating on you so you might aswell do what you doing and ignore them! There is no other way... 

I still get it even today where people comment on things, always have someone comparing me to like people or celebs; " Omg, you look like ...." And usually they get it completely wrong from wherever I got my inspiration from. But today I can suck it in, realise I'm not like everyone else and appreciate my uniqueness and so should you. We are all unique and different in our own ways even if it's looks or more spiritual, is just about you finding it within yourself. 

I wanted to share my story because I know it is a lot of young people probably going through the same thing and trust me is not easy to be strong and keep it up all the time. But you just have to, stand up for yourself cause at the end of the day thats what life is in most situations. Be strong and stand up for what you believe in, YOU!

So next time when you comment on whats someone is wearing in a pisstaking kind of way, do it with kindness or not at all....

Be beautiful

Be different

Be special

Be honest

Be humble

Be confident

BE YOU...!

Video & Makeup: Ala Hojat

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